Living with Two Homes

This post is written by Faith Delic, who lives in Zambia with her family as missionaries serving with Lifesong for Orphans Canada.

“Wherever you are, be all there.”

Jim Elliot said that, and those words ring true many years after they were spoken.

This entry is going to be an “honest” one. I’ll begin with this— I’m constantly finding myself stuck in between two homes; it’s a paradox. Missionary training coined that term for what missionaries experience, and my good friend reminded me of that the other night. You can be perfectly content in one place but still miss some things from your other “home.” And that’s just the thing. I have been asked many times where I feel most at home, and my answer is this: I have two “homes.” I love my Canada home that has my friends and family; but I also love my Zambia home that has my normal life, my friends, and what I have called home base for the past six years. I find that I have a duality in my heart, and I feel some sort of external pressure to choose one home. I feel that people will think that the in-between makes me miserable, but it doesn’t! I enjoy being part of two countries because they, in their own way, have made me who I am. At first it was difficult to be stuck in the middle, but now I have grown accustomed to it, and even grateful for it. This life is an adventure, and in a way, I get to live in two places at once! Yet living like this doesn’t mean that I don’t miss things. I love living in Zambia, but I do miss things from Canada: I miss the freedom to drive around with my friends and cousins; the spontaneous “hey let’s go somewhere”; the amazing food; the jokes; the warmth of being with your family; being able to go places; and, of course, the way the sun sets at 9:00 pm on a warm breezy June evening. These things that I miss don’t make me miserable though.

I’ve always thought that if I miss things from Canada that means something isn’t right. That I have a “heart issue” that needs to be corrected, and that I need to be more content. I realize that I have misinterpreted that. It’s not wrong to miss things from my other “home,” in fact, I think it’s actually a good thing. When I end up doing the things, or seeing the people, that I miss I find myself soaking up every moment. It allows me to have something to look forward to, and when I get back to it the happiness I feel is un-explainable! It’s okay for me to miss things while I’m away from it. We all miss some things, but that doesn’t mean we regret where we are! I’m in Zambia right now for a reason, and I’m going to try my best to enjoy it to the fullest because I know that one day I may be called somewhere else, and when that day comes I will miss Zambia immensely! May I not make the mistake (as I have before) to allow the things I miss to overwhelm me. Because once that happens I tend to overlook the blessings that I have where I’m at, and I become discontented. Instead, let me use my little longings to draw me closer to God, and keep as sweet golden memories that fill me with happiness.

Another interesting thing. I find myself feeling guilty when I enjoy being in Canada. We were there for eight months last year, and I loved it. I enjoyed being able to spend time with my friends and family for a longer period of time, and get to know them better. Yeah, I had my moments of trying to find my place, but it was truly a wonderful time. Yet I still had a tiny feeling of guilt for enjoying it so much because I wasn’t in Zambia. I heard my other missionary friends saying that they weren’t happy being back in North America for furlough, yet I couldn’t relate, and I felt bad for that! I realize now that that wasn’t right. God allowed my family to be in Canada for that amount of time, and it was a huge blessing! When it was time to go back though, yes I knew I would miss things and I was sad to leave them behind, but I was ready to go. I was ready to go back to my other “home” with its own memories and joys.

So let me conclude with the quote I made my introduction with: I want to be perfectly content wherever I am, and yet still have things that I miss. Not letting those little things overwhelm me, but to enjoy the memories I was able to make. When I’m in Canada, I want to be perfectly content while I’m there; and while I’m in Zambia, be perfectly content there also. I don’t want to miss out on all the joys God gives to me wherever He puts me, and I certainly don’t ever want to give into the seed of discontentment, no matter how easy it is. This adventure has been one of a lifetime, and I’m so grateful for everything that I have experienced while living in the paradox.